I Forget Because I Can't Remember

Yesterday evening, a short time after the press release chaos and the following strategy meeting I had in preparation for tomorrows TPSB consultation, I had something of an epiphany that I would like to share.

You see, after all of the above, I was vibrating... Stress had overwhelmed me and I didn't want to think -- no, I couldn't think about anything related to the events of the past 24hours. And so, I went for a walk. In the frozen cold, snow floating down from the sky, I walked from St. George station all the way to Yonge and Bloor... and that's when I realised.

It started with me trying to flush out all the stressful thoughts from my brain. I was walking down Bloor, getting wound up about future responsibilities, work to do, etc and I found myself consciously trying to make those thoughts "go away". It took some effort, but with the help of a Farbucks hot chocolate and ginger cookie, and a long walk in the snow, I managed just that. And by the time I reached Yonge & Bloor station, I was no longer thinking about anything stressfull.

But then, on the ride home, I started trying to ease myself back into what was up next and that's where I noticed it: I couldn't remember. Nothing was coming to mind. Who was I supposed to email next? What was in my inbox? What jobs were left for the evening? Nothing remained. It was like I knew I had something to do, but the actual work had been erased from my memory.

Now, given the current state of my memory, I'm thinking that is quite common for me, except that it's probably on a subconscious level. I forget things because part of me can't handle the stress of remembering it, and so, the memory disappears...