Check it out. That's why I'm here. Sure, it's not as noble as the reasons behind my exodus from this place, but it's a hell of a thing to come back to... and this is the wintertime. I can't wait 'till summer.

I had a bit of a crisis of faith this morning. For a moment, I wondered if I'd made a mistake in returning. Actually, it was considerably more than just a moment. I'm different from who I was when I left, and it would seem that the longer I'm here, the less I feel that this is the case. I'm not sure if I can remember how to be the person I want to be. The habits and connections I developed in Toronto are gone and I find myself falling into the same negative patterns I wallowed in 7 years ago -- behaviour I tried to beat out of myself in my self-imposed exile.

I can't explain it any better than I this and the people I would usually talk to about this are just too far away, either physically or socially. I miss my friends. I miss bike rides to High Park and cake at Future Bakery. I miss gyros at 2am and Farscape on Melanie's couch. I miss my friends.

It'll get better though. It has to.

I'm lying out on my bed watching National Treasure alone in my nifty new apartment. I'm freshly clean and enjoying the company of my usual technical toys as well as the killer view.

It's good to be home.

It's hard to believe it sometimes, but I just realised it today. It's been 3months since I left Toronto. Not that I've had time to settle of course. Only one month here in Vancouver, and while I'm well on my way, I'm no where near "settled"... won't be for some time I think.

Adjustments have been tough too. Sure it's still Canada but Vancouver is a very different place... at least for me. I've had to move back into the life I left, crowbar the new me into the old me's social circle. Some people still fit, others don't. And family... well we're always family, but it's taking them some time to get used to who I am now and not fixate on who I was when I left.

Living with the grandparents has been entertaining though. Aside from the fact that they're unapologetic racists, I've had pleasure of trying to explain to my grandfather that the reason his computer crashes with this program has performed an illegal action when he's looking at certain sites is not because they are trying to prevent it, but rather that his computer is running Windows 98 and is over 12years old.

I've also been able to "come out" to my grandparents with regard to my religious leanings. Until now, they were the only members of the family who didn't know that I was pagan and strangely enough, I was able to have a quiet, civilised conversation with my grandmother about it. She's Orthodox Christian, therefore she's not big on evangelism, so it was easier than one might think.

My grandfather still thinks I'm crazy for not believing in his god though, but he likes talking to the Jehovah's Witnesses so I don't take him too seriously :-)

For the most part though, I'm glad to be back. It's hard to explain, but the feeling I get when I tell someone that I'm going to the Vancouver Public Library is pretty great. It's a hell of a thing to live in a city with so much beauty. Seriously, Toronto people: come visit, see what I'm raving about.

It's official, I now have an apartment. It's a nice one bedroom place in the core with a view of the mountains, a balcony, dishwasher AND a washer and dryer. All this for the low low cost of $1200. Trust me, that's low (how sad is that?)

Anyway, I take possession on the 15th of December but will likely not be sleeping there 'till after Christmas as I'm still not sure of how I'm going to get all my stuff from the Parent's place in the Okanogan down here. What's more, after all the money involved, I'm out of pocket roughly $2400 (half month rent + damage deposit + first month's rent) I'm going to be so poor that I can't really afford a real bed for the place. Looks like my futon will be it for a while longer.

Soon though, everything will be settled again... and I can't wait. I'm so tired.

I realised the other night that I may have made a mistake when moving out of my apartment. You see, when Melanie and I were packing up my stuff, we decided that the leftover stuff -- stuff to heavy to cart out by ourselves (but easy enough for cleaners with a dolly) should be left behind. So when I closed the doors and left the key with the landlord, I expected them to find 3 big cardboard boxes full of junk I couldn't haul downstairs on my own.

However, what I failed to realise at the time, was that among the old shoes and packing peanuts left behind, "Vicky M.", the blow-up doll we used in our CCTV event a few weeks ago was rolled up in a fake-bloody ball in the corner.

I can only imagine what those people must be thinking... :-)

About 5years ago, two strange men came to my house, gave me a piece of paper and walked off with all of my worldly possessions. Yesterday morning, it happened again.

I'm officially bedless. The movers showed up yesterday, picked up nearly everything I had and loaded it into a tiny corner of their truck (I don't have much stuff). In exchange, I received a little piece of paper with a couple signatures and a promise that it'll arrive in Kelowna in "about ten days". From now until sometime late in November, I'll be living out of my backpack -- a prospect that's both kinda scary and exciting.

Melanie has offered to put me up 'till I leave, so I'll be sleeping there 'till I head to Europe. She's also playing host to my noisy server for which I'm very greatful as it hosts this site, my email and will be the staging area for image uploads while I'm shooting on my trip.

On an unrelated note, I believe I've patched my site to compensate for Internet Exploder's shortcomings as well as a hole I found in my commenter that failed to moderate posts. So if you see any new problems with the layout, or have trouble commenting, please let me know.

As mentioned in my previous post, I have a bunch of things to get rid of, mostly stuff that's too expensive to ship given it's weight vs. re-purchase cost. Along with that, I also have a big box of electronic goodies of which some are in working condition, and others simply need to be disposed of safely. I'll list both here and if you're interested in any of it, leave a comment or contact me directly.

Cheap Stuff

• Programmable air conditioner (remote, timer etc.) $100
• Countertop dishwasher (my beloved) $100

Free Stuff

• Dishes, cutlery etc.
• 15" CRT monitor
• A really big desk. Heavy but sturdy if you leave it alone
• Anything else you might have in mind and I'm cool with parting with
• Working Electronics:
  • SCSI1 scanner
  • PS2 keyboard
  • Serial Mouse
  • PS2 Mouse
  • Computer speakers
  • Mountains of cabling (RCA, Coaxial, IDE, etc. etc.)
  • AMD K6 Aptiva
  • Pentium II (hosted this site for 3years)
• Non-working Electronics:
  • Multiple PS2 keyboards
  • Ergonomic keyboard
  • Miscelaneous computer stuffos that currently escape my memory

If I don't make a list, it'll never get done:

• Get online access to my Visa
• Cancel my Metropass membership
• Cancel my Bullfrogpower contract
• Forward my mail
• Renew my driver's license
• Pack
• Confirm pickup of stuff
• Cart away my electronic stuff in an environmentally-friendly way (ideas anyone?)
• Bring passport info to travel agent
• Check what kind of visa info I need for Korea
• Buy train tickets
• Plan a "Last Supper"

I've not been posting a lot lately, mostly because I'm just stupid-busy. I'd forgotten what an incredible hassle it was to move my life 4349.9 kilometres away in the first place and doing it again is generally un-fun.

For starters, the cost of moving is ridiculous. Most moving companies will only accept a minimum of 1000lbs (they charge by weight, not time), and since I live in a bachelor, that's typically an aweful lot of extra space. On top of that, I have to pay for storage (since I'll be in Europe for a couple months before getting to Vancouver) and insurance, and movers. My latest quote was $2429.54!

Clearly, I have to keep looking, but time is running short.

Once I have a mover, I need a moving day, and since I'm not likely to leave Toronto 'till September 11th (yes, you read right, it is the cheapest day to fly), I could be living at Melanie's out of a suitcase for nearly a month.

Then there's the flight itself, I've been working with a travel agent and the routing is insane. I want to visit these places:

• Stockholm
• Berlin
• Amsterdam
• Geneva
• Prague
• Rome/Vatican City
• Seoul

So one would imagine that the cheapest (and most efficient) option would be:

• Toronto » Stockholm
• Rome » Seoul
• Seoul » Vancouver

But sadly, because of the way the airlines work, not only do I have to use Frankfurt as my entrance & exit for Europe, and route my Seoul trip through Singapore, but in order to get home, I have to fly back through Europe!

• Toronto » Frankfurt
• Frankfurt » Singapore
• Singapore » Seoul
• Seoul » Singapore
• Singapore » Frankfurt
• Frankfurt » Vancouver

This trip is about $3500. I can't be the only one that thinks this is insane. Obviously, I can get a direct Seoul » Vancouver flight, but that costs roughly $600 more and a RoundTheWorld pass is nearly $5000.

I may still take the more direct route, if only because it means I'm not in transit for 26hours on my last leg, not to mention the environmental implications of adding so many more kilometres to my trip. I'll also be buying carbon credits, but somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better about it all.

I'm also leaving my life in Toronto, of which Melanie is a big part. She's going through a rough spot in her life lately, and sometimes I feel like I'm not helping enough because of all of these other complications, not to mention the fact that I'm likely to make it worse when I leave. Even though we both knew this was coming the day we met, it doesn't make things any easier.

I have responsibilities as coordinator for the Camaras in Public Spaces campaign of the TPSC. I have yet to find a suitable replacement. We have a big event coming up for August, but someone will have to be here in October to field questions from the press when the pilot project is over and the one I had in mind to replace me doesn't appear interested. Stephen has expressed interest, but he's always got so much on his plate, I wanted to bring in some fresh blood to run the show, but I'm not sure who that would be at the moment.

Then there's my job. I don't have one lined up in Vancouver just yet, though my current boss has been kind enough to look into available positions with Riptown's Vancouver office. Whether there's a spot for me there or not, I'm not too worried about finding work in what I understand to be a competitive market, but that spectre of joblessness is still pretty scary.

Lastly, I've started re-coding my site using the new techniques I've been learning at my current job. The new site (still in development) will use a true MVC system and include nifty stuff like Ajax and JQuery as well as a Modified Preorder Tree Traversal algorithm for storing the hierarchical sorting structures in my Imager. This is mostly in preparation for when I'm in Europe and want to remote-blog and upload images -- I want the site to be better equipped.

So that's all for now. Wish me luck I suppose. If my heart & brain don't implode from the pressure, those of you reading this from Vancouver should see me in a few months.

I gave my notice today to my landlord. I'll be checking out of Toronto by September 1st.

Why am I scared?