cloudy

i've been feeling "cloudy" lately. that's the best word i have for it. i'm completely unmotivated, which doesn't help when i'm faced with that Big Idea i had a week or so ago and what's worse, i find myself committing retail therapy far more often than can safely be considered healthy. (like it's ever healthy). some days i feel as though i'm empty and need to be filled up, and other days i feel like a rudderless boat cast adrift on a foggy sea.

it is in this state that i went out with lara for dinner last night and consumed a great deal of pub food. it's funny, as sensitive as she is, i find myself telling her everything about my life -- even the parts i don't want to tell anyone. sometimes i think it's to see if i get a reaction out of her, and other times i think it's because i know she's not the judgemental type. regardless, i think i dump too much on her sometimes, and i'm thankful for her patience.

this cloudiness is really starting to disturb me though. i can't concentrate on anything. if i do, it's only temporary (an hour, maybe two) and then i'm lost. eating healthier hasn't produced any positive results and so i'm starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with me.