Η Ελληνική Γλώσσα

This is what happens when you date a Greek girl: she takes you to Greece and she tries to help you learn Greek.

On the face of it, it sounds exciting and as simple as any other language. I picked up the basics of the Korean alphabet years ago, how tough could the Greek one possibly be? If I only knew.

The first thing you learn about the Greek alphabet is the profound overlap it has with our own Latin character set. The second thing you learn is that it's all lies and betrayal.

Α Β Γ Δ Ε Ζ Η Θ Ι Κ Λ Μ Ν Ξ Ο Π Ρ Σ Τ Υ Φ Χ Ψ Ω
α β γ δ ε ζ η θ ι κ λ μ ν ξ ο π ρ σ τ υ φ χ ψ ω

There's also ς, but we're not going there today.

As in tree

That's the Greek alphabet in its own order. You know the whole biblical thing of "I am the alpha and the omega"? This is where that comes from. Now, where were we? Oh yes, the betrayal and lies in the Greek alphabet. First you should note that the whole list is actually longer than it has to be. The letters ι, η, and υ are all the same sound: ee as in tree. There's also two vowel combinations that make the same sound: ει and οι. This makes it easy to guess what sound a character makes, but it's all the more frustrating when you guess wrong.

I thought I was going to end up with Bait but...

So we've covered the ee thing, now the really terrible part: the bait and switch. You may have noticed that there are a number of familiar characters in the alphabet, but that they don't seem to line up with their appropriate pair. For example, ν is not a lower-case V, but rather a lower-case Ν, which sounds like "N" as in "November". The η on the other hand sounds nothing like November but rather ee as in tree. Its upper-case? It's an Η. Ρ and ρ look an awful lot like our "P" and "p", but they are in fact prounced like an "R" rolled, like roll up the rim to win. The μ sounds like an m as in Mike, which is obvious to an English speaker from it's upper-case, but not so much from the lower, and then there's γ, which doesn't sound like a y at all, but is more of a gutteral thing, like loch in the Loch Ness Monster. The upper-case for γ is Γ, so at least there's no confusion there, save for the fact that the upper-case υ looks like Υ and is called an "Ipsilon" (Yψιλον), while the character you might think is called that, ι/Ι is called "Iota" (ιοτα), pronounced yota. It's also easy to confuse Γ/γ with Χ/χ, as they sound really similar. Honestly, I can only tell the difference when I hear them side by side. Lastly, there's two "o" sounds: Ο/ο and Ω/ω. A lowercase Omega (Ωμεγα) looks like a w though, so sometimes it's tricky.

There's also a couple brand new freaks in there: Φ/φ, and Ψ/ψ which I won't go into. Just trust me, it's scary.

It's not so bad

The truth is, Greek is actually kinda fun to learn, but oh boy is it hard on my brain. Christina has me reading this book written by this guy who fancies himself a comedian. He isn't funny at all, but his take on the language is much like my own, and you get the sense that he understands your frustration. At the moment I'm at about a four-year-old reading level. That is to say: I can sound out words very slowly but have no idea what they mean unless Christina helps me. The speed at which I'm able to comprehend a word or sentence makes it hard to read signs on the road as we drive by too. I get to the third character and the sign is already behind us.

I'm getting better though, and I'm sure Christina will keep working on me to get it all right.